Reflections

A Conversation With God About My Daughter

Is this how You feel every day, God? Sending us out into the world on our own, knowing that our hearts are weakened from previous breaks and that our spirits are strong and fragile in the most perplexing ways?

Because today, God, I just want to hold her forever. I just want to keep her here as long as I possibly can, spreading my mama-wings over her and shielding her from all the things that threaten her wholeness. I don’t want her to break, God. I don’t want her to feel the things that are coming. I don’t want the cruelty of other kids and the thoughtlessness of the world and the selfish plans of everyone else to crush her. I don’t want her to get hurt.

I want to protect her. I want to hold her close…so close that the little girl who teases her can’t get to her. So close that the rough-playing kids can’t touch her. So close that the hurts and pains of life with others cannot get to her and she can remain as she is.

But then I think, God….is that what I really want for her? To never experience those things? To never have the opportunity to grow and be strengthened by the things that challenge her at her core? To never have to learn to cope…to deal with the things that hurt…to figure out that the only way through it is to cling to her Father?

No, God. I don’t want her to live so sheltered that she can do it on her own. I don’t want her to be so safe that she never knows the far-reaching span of Your comforting arms. I don’t want her to be so protected that she finds confidence in herself rather than in You. I don’t want her to be so shielded that she never realizes the flaws and the brokenness in this world….and never realizes her own deep need for You to redeem her.

I don’t want her to hurt, Lord, but I don’t want her to think You are irrelevant, either. I don’t want her to believe that Your comfort and peace and inexplicable joy are unnecessary in her perfectly comfortable life.

Ultimately, God, I want her to run to You with open arms and aching heart, because only then will she find the acceptance and love and peace and joy and comfort that she needs. Only then will she see You as someone she needs to know.

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So this hurt she’s dealing with today…and what ever else she has going on that I don’t even know about….just use it, Lord. Use it to draw her heart into Yours. Use it to open her eyes to how badly she needs You. Use it to change her in lasting ways.

I know You can and You will, God, because You did it – and are doing it – with me.

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