Can I be absolutely, totally honest? If you’ve been reading my blog for long, you won’t be surprised by my tendency toward transparency. If you’re new here, I hope you’ll find it refreshing.
So can I be honest? I hope so. Here we go.
This balance thing…..it’s hard. It’s hard to think about, hard to imagine, and even harder to pursue. I am convinced that the enemy uses imbalance in my own life to make me unproductive and inefficient. My enemy…..he sets me off balance with one thought…one word…one little thing…and then I do the rest.
I’ll never get this done….
I’m neglecting my daughter……
Look at the dishes in the sink…..
Have to go to the grocery store……
I have to get ready for the mission trip…..
My family needs my time……
Everyone sees my inadequacies…..
Everything is going to collapse……
I’m a mockery of a Christian…….
On and on….round and round they swirl. A ridiculous vortex set in motion by my one single thought and perpetuated seemingly out of my control.
In real honesty, I think that even doing this 31-day series has made me a target for his pokes and prods. I’ve been feeling even more imbalanced than normal as I’ve tried to write these posts out…participate in the community of other writers doing the challenge…maintain normal goings on in my daily life. It is definitely a challenge for me, as I normally don’t post this often. I am sensing my enemy in real ways as I try to do what God has led me to do. Frankly, I already want to quit this series and delete everything I’ve already written.
Finally, be strong in the Lord and in His mighty power. Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. (Ephesians 6:10-12)
It’s a journey, and I am determined to press on. (This is only day three, right? We still have a long way to go!) This challenge is a training in discipline, not just in writing (though that is, admittedly, very real). This is about discipline in my thoughts. This is about finding balance in a real way so that I can write out of an authentic experience. This is about finding balance so that my life will be under the sovereignty of God rather than my feeble attempts at control.
Yes, much of what I deal with in this pursuit of balance is my own doing. What I have to remember, though, is that my spiritual enemy has a lot invested in my imbalance, and he’s not willing to give up the fight. The encouragement here, though, is that the God who championed to save my life in the first place rallies still today to ensure that my life is well-lived.
With us is the LORD our God to help us, and to fight our battles. (2 Chronicles 32:8)
Tomorrow, we’re getting down to the meat of this. What are the causes of our imbalance? What will it take to find equilibrium? I hope to see you then.
Together on this Journey,
Jessica
This is the third post in a 31-day series on balance. To read the rest of the series, click here.
Categories: Miscellaneous
Jessica Bolyard | Writer and Speaker 
I love your transparency Jess! I am rooting for you sticking with it!! 🙂
Transparency is a double-edged sword. I feel sometimes like I’m being tested – like, “You say you’re going to be transparent. Are you really going to share THIS? This makes you look like a MESS. Are you SURE?”
In any case, I appreciate you appreciating my transparency. =)